Hi :)
Well I'm a 19 year old virgin and I currently have a boyfriend and he's 21.
I want to have sex, but not anytime soon because we've only been dating a short time and I don't wanna rush into anything. How soon is too soon? Also should I still use a condom if I'm on birth control?

I can’t tell you how soon is too soon or whether or not you’re ready. The average age for first sexual intercourse amongst women in the US is around 17 to 18. Therefore, statistically, it’s not “too soon” for you. But don’t listen to the numbers. Only you can know if you’re ready. For some people, it happens with they’re 16 and some when they’re 30.

I’m always going to recommend using a condom in addition to the pill. A friend of mine got pregnant even though she was on it, and it’s made me hesitant ever since. She wasn’t adhering to perfect usage, so it’s important to realize there is a risk (although small) of pregnancy while taking birth control. Your first time is already filled with enough anxiety and nervousness. If using a condom will put you more at ease during cherry popping and/or you aren’t taking your pill on a regular or consistent basis, then use one. They are cheap and easy to get. They also make prevent spooge spillage on your sheet and make cleanup easier.

I'm a heterosexual female. When a woman has sex for the first time, is the pain unbearable?

The pain or lack thereof is different for everyone. In my experience, it was painful. Another friend of mine said, “It hurt like a bitch.” You might not be screaming from the rafters in an orgasmic fit of ecstasy. You probably won’t feel “like a woman” and suddenly become mature and an adult.

Most people attribute the pain to the hymen. Contrary to popular myth, the hymen is not a seal of skin barrier closing the vaginal canal to the rest of the world. It’s actually more like netting or a kitchen collander if you will. The thin and holy skin can wear away over time or be fully punctured through intercourse. If it is and the results are painful, the pain doesn’t come directly from the hymen. The skin is attached to other areas of the vulva that do have plenty of sensitive nerve endings. Any pain from a puncture is a result of these nerves being stretched or slightly torn. However, this tearing and stretching can happen at anytime and from any sorts of activities that aren’t sexual.

female; bi-curious; I have a girlfriend. She and I have made it past the point to where I am ready to rip her in half from my sexual tension. We both are virgins to females, but she is a strong, go-to-church-every-Sunday type of christian... I just wanna know how do I break the ice the right way?......

Well, it seems like she’s a liberal Christian since she’s comfortable with her sexuality and dating life (at least I assume so?). Granted my assumptions could be way off because I am not too familiar with Christians and their ethical views. I once had Mormon door knockers tell me they and God loved my lesbian mom despite her sexuality. That threw me for a loop, but then I figured they would say anything to get me to go to church and were thinking fast since I put them on the spot.

Ok, back to the topic at hand. I’m not one to recommend holding someone’s hand in a romantic setting and saying, “Honey, I think we’re ready to take our relationship to the next level and become intimate with each other.” When the time is right, you’ll know, and it’ll probably happen during a makeout session with some heavy petting. Just tell her then and there you want to have sex. If she says no, then so be it. Is it a relationship killer? I don’t think so. If you care about her enough to respect her decision and wait some more, then it shouldn’t bother you too much. Cure your appetite in the meantime with some masturbating and fantasizing on what your first time will feel like instead.

female, straight, 15
ok i'm confused about this. if two virgins have unprotected sex can either one get an STD? or can you only get an STD from someone who's carrying one? stupid question i know :)

Typically you can only get an STD if your partner has one. However, there are some STIs even virgins are at risk for like herpes and bacterial vaginosis. Oral herpes can easily be turned into genital herpes. All it takes is for someone with a present cold sore to either touch the sore and then their or their partner’s genitals or perform oral on someone else.

After a first time cherry popping, even fresh non-virgins can be susceptible to other un-fun infections that aren’t STIs. Most common is probably the urinary tract infection.

my boyfriend and i are both virgins. we 'tried' having sex. he was hard, and when he got about halfway in me. his penis became flaccid, we tried 2 times, same thing happened both times, am i doing something wrong? he said he "can't control what his penis does" but, i didn't realize it was hard to keep it hard. and another thing, i was talking to some of my friends, and i said "yeah we've been to 3rd" and they said "did he cum on you?" i said "is he supposed to?" well he doesn't cum, is that a problem? i've asked him, and he says he just has control of cumming, so he won't do it? i guess i'm just wondering, am i doing something wrong?

Once again, another answer provided from the male perspective by Mathieu.

Thank you for sharing this because I feel this is something that needs to be addressed, but typically isn’t talked about openly. Let’s get one thing straight: a man’s erection, or lack thereof, has no reflection on the woman he is sleeping with. For as visceral and liberating as sex can be, there is a natural ebb and flow of erectile performance for men. Sometimes we’re an erection can last the whole session, other times: it’ll take a breather. Here’s the kicker; as you are both virgins, and both new to this: I’m guessing what’s effecting his performance is nerves. Anxiety, confusion, or over-anxiousness can all be contributing factors to the fact that he’s losing his erection. This DOES NOT mean that he’s not interested in your body, it DOES NOT mean that he doesn’t want to treat you like a goddess and deliver what you deserve. It simply means that he’s new to this and some level of his subconscious is trying to figure it all out.

As for him being in control of cumming. Good catch kiddo, you’ll have a champ in the sack when you guys work out the kinks. Men often have trouble disassociating the orgasm from ejaculation, but it sounds like your boy may know how to separate the two. This will ultimately mean more orgasms for him, as well as for you because he won’t require “downtime” post orgasm. As to why he hasn’t cum on you? Did I mention nerves? It’s possible that he’s embarrassed by the notion of cumming on a girl. If you want it though, tell him, and trust me — he’ll oblige. 

My number one recommendation here is: talk to him, let him know that it’s okay to take control of the situation and try to boost his sexual confidence. It will pay off for you both.

im 17, female, i likee guyys (: i just wanted to know if when i tell a guy that im a virgin what they think of me.. like oh shes prude. or oh thats a good thing?

It all depends on the guy. I’m inclined to think a majority of the time, they don’t care. I do know there are some who really enjoy it and take pride in “owning” a girl’s virginity. Either way, I doubt you’ll come across anyone disgusted or turned off by your virginhood.

In response to the latest cherry popping question, apparently it is possible for males. My boyfriend had to explain it to me after I did it giving him a hand job, I'd never heard of it before. Apparently it refers to the first time the foreskin is pulled back by a certain degree, I'm not entirely sure about the specifics, and I've never met anyone else who knew about it. But I guess thats probably what someone talking about a guys cherry being popped is talking about, as it's meant to happen during sex, but just like the female cherry can happen other ways

I suppose that makes sense, but then would circumcised men always remain virgins since they don’t have foreskins? Or would they be devirginized during their circumcision surgery?

It’s very silly to focus on some specific membrane or body part being removed or torn to signify the loss of one’s virginity. I say let the individual decide because only they really know the entire history of their sex life.

I'm a 19 year old virgin and I still cant have a full orgasm. i know thats phrased weird but i'll explain. Whenever I'm with my boyfriend, we usually do dry humping or foreplay and no matter how long or fast we go, i still cant cum. I've never actually felt what that is like. i always get so exhausted or we have to stop suddenly cuz we hear my parents upstairs. we usually go back to it after we check, but its still the same problem. Even when I'm masturbating, I get exhausted. i'm considering having my first time with him soon. So my question is this, in order for me to orgasm, should I have sex or is there something else i can do help myself out with and without my boyfriend?

Orgasms shouldn’t be the focus of sex. Sure, they are a nice end result, but if you worry too much about achieving it, then you’ll never really enjoy yourself. If you want to have sex with your boyfriend and are prepared to practice it safely, then go ahead. You might come, and you might not. You might bleed and be in pain since it’s your first time, and you might not also. It doesn’t really matter as long as you’re comfortable with what you’re doing.

In the meantime, I would suggest practicing solo to find out what really makes you come. Your boyfriend will not know automatically, and it’s up to you to teach him. If you get exhausted while masturbating, keep trying and don’t stop. You might actually be on the verge of coming and not even realize it. Us ladies do all kinds of funny things when we’re about to come. We’ll get numb in our toes, feel like we have to pee, start breathing heavily, etc. Perhaps this exhaustion is your body telling you the O is on its way.

Love your blog! I'm a female virgin, and I'm okay with it. I'm completely comfortable with the male form... but I struggle to be okay with guys touching or seeing me naked. It's not that I don't like being seen or touched, but I worry that little imperfections (a little body hair here, hips that are a bit too wide) will freak out my partner. What's even more scary is the unknown imperfections of my reproductive system! Do guys care that much about perfection? What can you do if that becomes a problem?

I’m a strong believer that if a guy is ready and about to have sex with you, he won’t give a rat’s ass or even notice minor imperfections. I’ve never met a guy who took notice of labia sizes, vulva “fatness”, dissimilarities, etc. Usually when he’s got you naked, he’s only thinking about sticking it in.

Yes, I know I’m making men sound like shallow gorillas right now, but as Mathieu has reiterated numerous times, men don’t care. If you do meet some jackass that is constantly making fun of any part of your body, thus causing you to feel self-conscious, dump his ass. He’s not worth the time or the admission ticket into your valuable invitation-only pussy.

Hi! I'm seventeen, and my boyfriend is sixteen. We're both virgins. We've been dating for about a year, now, and I believe I'm ready to have sex, and I trust him with my life. The problem is I really dont' want to get pregnant. He knows how to put on a condom, and he's masturbated with one on (testing) with no problem. Should I go for it?

Also... does it hurt the first time? How's it like? I'm not expecting a hot session or anything, I'm actually expecting something like a chore, since I'll probably be in a lot of pain.

If you feel confident enough to take on the responsibility that accompanies becoming sexually active, then you might you are ready. Only you can know if you’re prepared and willing to relinquish your virginity, and I can’t tell if it’s the right moment or not. However, you and your boyfriend have done your research, seem prepared, and already practiced using condoms, which is great.

Everyone’s first time is different, and yes, sometimes it does hurt. If your hymen is very much intact, there will some skin ripping, possible bleeding, and pain the next morning. However, don’t let these temporary side effects deter you. I’ve described the pain before, but it won’t last forever. You will be able to have sex without pain and enjoy it. Just remember, like with any talent or skill, no one gets it right the first time.

Hi, I'm a sixteen year old girl, and I literally can't stop thinking about sex. I'm a virgin, and I have to mastrubate alot simply to control my urges. It's not that I'm ugly or anything, quite the opposite (but I don't mean to sound arrogant), I'm mostly confused as to why my libido is so much higher than all of my friends. I want to lose my cherry, but all of my "encounters" have been with strangers I've met at a public place (mostly dances) whom I never see again. What can I do, and why am I so damn horny all the time???

I’m all for free love, but I don’t recommend any 16-year-old give their v-card to strangers they meet at dances. That sounds like the opening of a bad Law and Order: SVU episode.

Keep masturbating, hun. There’s no rush in losing your virginity, and stop comparing your libido to your friends. Everyone matures at different rates, and developing a sex drive is part of maturing. Just enjoy yourself in the meantime. By the time you are ready to have sex with the right person, you’ll know exactly where to direct him/her because you’ll have already done your homework.