Let’s talk about sugar and spice and everything nice

Anonymous: So I’m 16 and I’m sexually active, I’m wondering if that is wrong? My parents are strange, they told my brother (they had the talk with him when he was 14 or 15) That if he was going to have sex it should be protected but they never had the talk with me. I want a boyfriend (but they tell me no). Is there any difference between being a boy and having sex? What they don’t know is that Ive been with my boyfriend (that they don’t know about) for a while and already had sex. Is that bad?

Double standard, anyone? First question, are you using protection while being sexually active? Then no, you’re not doing anything wrong.

Second question, as cliché and angry feministy it sounds, it’s more acceptable for men to have sex. Like the movies American Pie, The Sure Thing, and Porky’s would tell us, men are constantly on a quest to have sex for the first time. It’s in their primitive and animalistic nature.

On the other hand, ladies are sweet, gentle, and pure flowers. They are not to be tarnished by sex until they are mature and in a loving and caring relationship. At the same time, they are also not supposed to be uptight cock teasers. Just look at Sex and the City. There’s a reason why Samantha is referred to as “the slut” and Charlotte as “the prude.” I don’t know why your parents refuse to let you have a boyfriend or want to discuss the birds and the bees, but I suspect this gender conditioning can partially be to blame.

As I mentioned earlier, if you’re using protection, then I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong or behaving badly. You’re being mature and responsible with your sex life. However, if you are having unprotected sex with your boyfriend, then you are just being careless and playing the pregnant Russian roulette game. In time your parents will come around and realize you will be in relationships and those relationships will become intimate. Plus, you’re 16, in two years you’ll be out of the house, possibly away at college, and not under their overly-protective thumbs.

In the meantime, since your parents aren’t willing to talk to you about these things, I recommend getting a copy of Heather Corinna’s book S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College. It’s really informative, affordable, and written in a fun and conversational way. And if you are interested in learning more about the concept of virginity, read Virginity Lost by Laura Carpenter.

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Let’s keep talking about gas

agentsex: Nobody talks about farts and sex in general! Farts and anal sex, farts and vaginal sex …

Just like everyone poops, everyone farts and all vaginas queef. So as long as people keep asking me about farts and queefs, I will keep writing about them.

And I actually just farted while writing this post. Don’t worry, it didn’t smell.

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Let’s talk about me needing help

Anonymous: Female. Pan. Can we get some lesbian sex 101?

I would love to offer you an introductory course into the art of Sapphic Love, but experience in said art is limited to the stereotypical “I was drunk and in college and made out with a girl” knowledge. Therefore, I am up to receiving contributions from any willing participants.

Kind readers, send me your own advice because I need help. I don’t know everything, which is why I have Mathieu and Andrew, but I don’t think they’d be very helpful either. Please send email an with any ideas or insight on lesbian sex to christine[at]its-just-sex[dot]net. I’ll post them here in a collective entry for all to share and enjoy. I only ask that you write in complete sentences because this isn’t Twitter, and I am not limited to 160 characters. Include your tumblr url if you would like a link, or you can also remain anonymous.

And I supposed I could ask my lesbian mom if I get desperate, but even I’m not comfortable with that.

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Let’s talk about wind-breaking warnings

Anonymous: Nobody warns you about the vagina farts after sex.

I’ve mentioned it before, but you’re right. Readers, sometimes vaginas fart/queef, and it’s normal.

South Park did make a nice episode dedicated entirely to the bodily function.

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Let’s talk about shopping options

Anonymous: How old do you have to be to buy sex toys online? what about in a store?

You have to be 18 to enter and make a purchase from a brick and mortar sex toy shop (although this laws may differ in other states). Most online sex toy stores also adhere to this age limit. I don’t think Amazon has age requirements — all they probably care about is whether or not you have a valid credit card.

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Let’s talk about doing the hand jive

Anonymous: female. straight. how do you give a really good hand job?

Once again, another answer provided from the male perspective by Mathieu.

Hand jobs are tricky and all women are going to be at a disadvantage. That disadvantage being: men have hands too. Also we are inherently professionals at masturbation. One of the first things we discover as babies is that we have feet. Shortly after that we discover we have a penis. And we fixate primarily on that for approximately the next eighty years of our lives. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to discourage you, I just thought I should warn you.

Now onto my actual suggestions: use a firm grip, tighter than you would hold a banana but far less than playing tug of war; you’re trying to pleasure not asphyxiate*. Your second key to a fantastic handjob is: Lubrication. If using store bought lubrication, use as a fair amount and ensure that the entirety of your palm and fingers are covered, as well as an ample amount on the given penis. If you are using saliva, which is nature’s go-to lubricant of choice also the best selling brand of personal lubricant since around 40,000 B.C., use a fair amount. Simply licking your palm does not suffice when performing a hand job, you want to spit into your palm a large amount. Ideally your saliva should be thick, not white and bubbly. You’ll know the right consistency when you feel it—and your boy will know too. As far as motion and gesture goes, that can be taught in the moment. Every man’s penis is different, therefore preferences will vary widely. A tip, however, is that the place wear the head meets the shaft, particularly on the underside of the penis, is extremely sensitive. I wish you all the best in your hand job adventures.

* No, penises do not breath, I’m merely using an allegory for comedic effect.

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Let’s talk about the unexpected launch

Anonymous: Female, straight.

Recently I’ve been come devirginized. My boyfriend already had sex many times before me. Alright so my problem, the last time we had sex he lasted maybe a minute before cumming. I’m curious to know if thats common for guys to cum that quickly? And how could I make him last longer?

Once again, another answer provided from the male perspective by Mathieu.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but yes, it is quite common. It doesn’t, however, need to be common. Premature ejaculation occurs for pretty much one reason: overwhelming excitement . This is also supplemented by a guys lack of focus. Another factor, however, could be lack of sexual activity. Plainly put: the more sex you have, the better he’ll be at it. And that, I believe, is the only way you’ll be able to help him. Your boy, however, needs to focus less on how amazing it feels to be inside of you, and more on what he can be doing do and with you. When that shift of mind occurs, he will be able to last longer and both of you will be able to come harder, ideally when you are both ready for it. Have fun kids.

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Let’s talk about an ill-fit

Anonymous: 18.M. So when a condom leaves a ring at the base of the penis does that mean the condom is too tight (These are regular sized condoms) And if it is too tight, will that affect my sexually performance?

Once again, another answer provided from the male perspective by Mathieu.

Honestly that’s not a bad thing, condoms should be on the tight side. I suppose what you’ll have to guage for yourself is the depth of the indentation. If it feels like you’re strangling your member by wearing a condom, then you need to go up a size. Keep in mind that condoms are designed to stay on during vigorous sessions of humping, love making, rampant fornication or canoodling. However, if you feel that the condom is restricting the flow of blood, then by all means go buy a larger brand. My initial thoughts, however, are that you’re a girthy guy and that the condom is just doing it’s job.

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Let’s talk about being the deflower-er

Anonymous: Hey! I’m a straight girl, almost 18-
My boyfriend, who’s 20, is a virgin, and I’m not. We both care for each other a great deal and want to have sex, but I’m apprehensive to do so. It seems like a lot of pressure. I know I’m good in bed but this is one thing that’s actually got me nervous. Can you give me any advice on deflowering a dude?

Once again, another answer provided from the male perspective by Mathieu.

Honestly, this is a tricky question, and the answers that you will receive about this topic could be immensely vague or extremely particular. However, I can give you a few tips. First of all, in my own opinion, men are simple. We are creatures with a rudimentary reproductive system that has a pretty primitive drive “thrust”. However, when man typically first has sex, he will be unacclimated to the phenomenal pleasures of having a partner, therefore his primitive drive of “thrust” may very quickly—and often disappointingly—turn into “come”. So honestly, prepare yourself to be a little less than satisfied but to also help your boy regain his composure. Then again, you may be very fortunate and find a guy who is a natural born stallion. (In that case enjoy the ride.) However, if the former allegory does occur: don’t criticize. Just confirm to him that it will be better next time, and then—if you so desire—help get him back “up” to performance level. I wish you the best of luck.

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Let’s talk about the gag reflex and funky spunk

Anonymous: Ok, I am female and I have a problem with oral sex. I have a terrible gag reflex and my boyfriend finds oral to be one of the hottest things for me to do to him. but I have serious problems performing and I cannot stand the taste of cum. I would really like to know if you have any tips on how I could get better at oral and possibly work on my bad gag reflex?

Guess what, my lovely flower garden? Mathieu’s back! He was gallivanting throughout our luscious planet this summer and is now here to help me tackle your sexual woes by offering the male perspective. Don’t forget to follow his own tumblr.

Well, kiddo, this can be a problem. Having been a recipient, I can tell you some of the things that I have observed to “work” at helping ease the gag reflex. First of all you can “cheat” the depth of your fellatio by grasping your boyfriend’s penis with one hand. This can be very stimulating with the right amount of grip and allow you to focus on head of his member with a little more detail. This cheat, however, can be less exciting. If you go hands free and decide you want to take more in, swallowing when you feel that you’re on the verge of gagging is apparently an effective method to keeping your composure—and continuing your play. If I’m not mistaken it’s the way that sword swallowers train for their act as well.

As for the issue about the taste of your boy’s semen, you either like it or you don’t. Also your boy’s biochemistry and diet has a lot to do with the taste as well e.g. salty, sweet, bitter etc. It has been suggested that by consuming pineapple you can generate sweeter tasting semen, which may be the case. Overall I wish you the best, if these tricks don’t work and you continue to hate it: don’t worry about it. There are other ways of having fun!

This is Christine adding my two cents. There is an easy solution to the semen part — condoms. Condoms will create a safe barrier between your taste buds and your man’s spunk. While the pleasure sensation might be a little different/less exciting for him, it should put you more at ease since you are agonizing over the moment when his little guys enter your mouth.

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Let’s talk about enjoying gay porn

Anonymous: Hi! i am a 19 year old female, who is completely straight but im a little confused. I was bored sifting through some porn the other day, and found myself looking at a guy on guy porn video just to see what it was like. Weirdly i got turned on by it, and now i can’t stop. What does this mean?

If I had a nickel for every time I heard about a woman liking gay porn…I would have an undetermined amount of nickels. Ok, seriously, lots of women (straight, bi, gay, what-have-you) like watching male-on-male porn. Maybe it’s because there are two (or more?) incredibly attractive men on one tv/computer screen. Maybe it’s the long shots of erect and perfectly groomed penises. Maybe it’s the very plausible reason those porn actors are actually straight, and the thought of two straight men fucking each other makes it even more exciting. Either way, it doesn’t matter.

We all have our kinks and fetishes. You can like clown or robot porn (NSFW link), black and white erotica, liquid latex, or being spanked while wearing nipple clamps and a ball gag. It doesn’t matter. As long as you aren’t hurting anyone (who doesn’t want to be hurt) or doing something illegal, then you are fine. Your turn-ons don’t make you any less of a “completely straight” woman.

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Let’s talk about the sacred seal

Anonymous: Hey! So I heard the other day that the hymen is a myth! And I wanted to know what you thought about that. I’m not really sure what to believe.

Hi, Anonymous. Sorry I’ve been diverting from questions and posting mostly about politics. Elections just bring out the spitfire in me.

In my opinion, the physical existence of the hymen is not a myth. It is a membrane that surrounds the vaginal opening. I just believe attributing it’s rupture to forgoing of one’s v-card as mythical. Hymens come is all sorts of shapes and sizes and can be torn in a number of ways that aren’t related to sexual activity. Saying someone isn’t truly a virgin because their hymen is undetectable is ridiculous. Only you or the person in question can decide if you’re a virgin or not. And yes, I say decide because only you know your complete sexual history. I’m not advocating the “born-again virgin” platform either. I’m just saying it’s silly for people to place the mere act of having sex for the first time as the factual and doctor-deteced disappearance of one single membrane.

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Let’s talk about copper killing sperm

Anonymous: I had and IUD copper (paragaurd) inserted today. It is painful but 1000 mg of ibuprofen should do the trick. I am aware that IUD doesn’t prevent against STI’s, but from a pregnancy standpoint, are condoms necessary? Again: I am fully aware the use of no condom could risk an STI

Copper IUDs produce copper which kills sperm and can stay in place for up to 10 years. They don’t emit any hormones into the body, which can be an advantage for some women. These IUDs are nearly 100% at preventing pregnancy, so as long as you are with a long-term and monogamous partner, there is no need for condoms.

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Let’s talk about juicy fruits

itsswhitney: tips on eating out?

The best advice I’ve read on performing cunnilingus comes from this mango analogy.

And my previously recommended cunnilingus tips, which pale in comparison to the above’s, can be found over here.

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Let’s talk about unicorns

Anonymous: 20 years old-Bi Curious-sexual status: virgin
im not sure what i like men or women. i think i like both of them. is it common for men to be bi sexual? im not being greedy, am i?
ps i love your post

Science has proved bisexual men are real, so yes, while bisexual men might not be the majority, they are certainly not uncommon. In my younger less-educated days, I used to think bisexuals were greedy. They were having their cake and eating it too. Now I know better, and being bi doesn’t make someone selfish, spoiled, or greedy. Human beings are fluid with their sexuality, and it’s never black and white. While I can’t tell you if you’re bi or not, I can encourage you to test the waters. You’ll never know if you like tacos or sausages until you try them.

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