My boyfriend walked in on me masturbating in the bathtub today. We laughed about it and he got nekkid and joined me with the detachable sprayhead. Lesson? Female masturbation is good for your sex life!

Huzzah!

sometimes when i come/get wet, there is white discharge in the lubrication. is this just discharge from my vagina being flushed out with the lubrication?

Yes, it is normal. It also might be a sign you are ovulating. Sometimes our discharge gets thicker during ovulation. Regardless, there is nothing to be concerned of.

So I'm totally open about sex (I love your Tumblr, by the way), and I'm not uncomfortable with it at all. I'm a teenager, and I'm single. So I'm not "sexually active," but I do masturbate. My question is: how can I tell if I've had an orgasm? I do feel really, really good, but there's never an exact moment where I'm like, "Oh, that was it!" I just sort of feel nice the whole time. So what's the deal? Thanks!

If you just “feel nice the whole time,” you’re probably not having an orgasm. I get asked many times how someone can reach orgasm, and unfortunately there isn’t a step-by-step method to follow. I’m not lying when I say everyone is different. We all work differently, and different things turn us on and off. Some ladies like clitoral stimulation, so vaginal penetration, some ass-play, and some a combination. The only thing I can tell you to do is look out for the signs and keep practicing.

Also take into consideration your environment. Orgasm is just as much mental as it is physical. Make sure you are completely comfortable wherever you’re masturbating and not distracted. Go at a pace that works for you, and don’t focus on climaxing. There’s no race and no finish line to cross here. It’s just masturbating, and reaching orgasm isn’t your final grade. In time you’ll come to realize what works best for you.

Male - Straight - Midwest

I've been dating on and off for a few years. Between grabbing drinks or having dinner, most of my dates end in a sexual experience. I'm not disappointed in this, but sometimes I want to just have a good time and get to know somebody. The sexual tension in most cases overwhelms the date and it's inevitable. What strategies or tips do you have for releasing sexual tension without diving in?

“Men are so made that they can resist sound argument, and yet yield to a glance.”
— Honoré de Balzac

While you might be tempted to have a roll in the hay immediately, don’t. Resist resist resist! I know it can be hard, but think about it; you say you want to get to know a girl first before becoming intimate. Then stop being self-destructive and succumbing to temptation. I know, it’s weird for a girl who writes a blog about sex to tell someone to resist sex, but there are times when abcense makes the heart grow fonder. Listen to Balzac, and put off the sex momentarily.

And chock the chicken/masturbate before these dates/get-togethers. That’s a word of advice from the not-so-literary classic There’s Something About Mary.

Question about the BV anon mentioned about douching. I'm 16, and leaning towards straight, and regularly masturbate with the bath faucet. I haven't been able to get my hands on a vibrator, so I'm making do with that and my fingers. I haven't had any trouble with pain/infections. Is that something I should keep in mind, and avoid the faucet (which would be a shame....)?

Masturbating with water and a pulsating shower head or facet is not the same as douching. Vaginal douching involves inserting nasty ingredients like acid, sodium, vinegar, and iodine via a nozzle and douche bag into the vaginal canal. Products like Summer’s Eve market feminine douches as a way to clean, balance pH, and rid smells from the vagina.

Why they think a vagina needs to have a standard odor is beyond me, but these products are not necessary and should be avoided. By disrupting your body’s natural pH levels, you are actually making yourself more susceptible to yeasts infections and bacterial vaginosis. Vaginas are self-regulating machines that rarely need tuneups or maintenance (except the yearly pap). There’s no reason to waste your money on douching products that will just cost you more money for medical-related expenses in the long run.

Hello! I just want to make a comment on orgasms caused by showerheads and douching. Over doing the two, or either/or can cause Bacterial Vaginosis = unhappy inner temple. Don't really know how to remedy this.

Douching is never a good idea. When I referred to the shower head, I meant using it in a bath with only water. Douching actually kills all kinds of good bacteria in our vagina. Without it, we would easily get a yeast infection, and there’s no reason why you would want or need your vagina to smell like Summer’s Eve.

As for the BV, that is something your doctor has to treat. Usually you get prescribed a jelly-like antibiotic you insert into your vaginal canal. It comes in a contraption similar to a tampon applicator.

In regards to the anon reader whose boyfriend doesn't like for her to use vibrators:

If she really wants to continue the relationship, then she should just not talk about the vibrator or incorporate them in her sex life. I would have a hard time getting past the way he thinks about girls with vibrators, but if she can, then that's great for her. One guy I was in a relationship with was threatened by the idea of me having just a little bullet, so I saved it for times when it just me, myself and I, and he was cool with that because half the time we were in a long-distance relationship.

If the vibrator is the issue, then that's what I personally recommend, having been in the same situation. If I were here, which I know I am not, I would be more concerned about why he feels negatively towards that area of female sexuality.

This is also good advice, jenniferwillcut. I agree with you; I couldn’t be with someone who prohibited me owning vibrators. Perhaps the disclosure and agreement not to discuss the sex toy with your partner is a good option. Let’s just hope her guy would be open to that compromise.

I'm a 19 year old virgin and I still cant have a full orgasm. i know thats phrased weird but i'll explain. Whenever I'm with my boyfriend, we usually do dry humping or foreplay and no matter how long or fast we go, i still cant cum. I've never actually felt what that is like. i always get so exhausted or we have to stop suddenly cuz we hear my parents upstairs. we usually go back to it after we check, but its still the same problem. Even when I'm masturbating, I get exhausted. i'm considering having my first time with him soon. So my question is this, in order for me to orgasm, should I have sex or is there something else i can do help myself out with and without my boyfriend?

Orgasms shouldn’t be the focus of sex. Sure, they are a nice end result, but if you worry too much about achieving it, then you’ll never really enjoy yourself. If you want to have sex with your boyfriend and are prepared to practice it safely, then go ahead. You might come, and you might not. You might bleed and be in pain since it’s your first time, and you might not also. It doesn’t really matter as long as you’re comfortable with what you’re doing.

In the meantime, I would suggest practicing solo to find out what really makes you come. Your boyfriend will not know automatically, and it’s up to you to teach him. If you get exhausted while masturbating, keep trying and don’t stop. You might actually be on the verge of coming and not even realize it. Us ladies do all kinds of funny things when we’re about to come. We’ll get numb in our toes, feel like we have to pee, start breathing heavily, etc. Perhaps this exhaustion is your body telling you the O is on its way.

Hi, I'm a sixteen year old girl, and I literally can't stop thinking about sex. I'm a virgin, and I have to mastrubate alot simply to control my urges. It's not that I'm ugly or anything, quite the opposite (but I don't mean to sound arrogant), I'm mostly confused as to why my libido is so much higher than all of my friends. I want to lose my cherry, but all of my "encounters" have been with strangers I've met at a public place (mostly dances) whom I never see again. What can I do, and why am I so damn horny all the time???

I’m all for free love, but I don’t recommend any 16-year-old give their v-card to strangers they meet at dances. That sounds like the opening of a bad Law and Order: SVU episode.

Keep masturbating, hun. There’s no rush in losing your virginity, and stop comparing your libido to your friends. Everyone matures at different rates, and developing a sex drive is part of maturing. Just enjoy yourself in the meantime. By the time you are ready to have sex with the right person, you’ll know exactly where to direct him/her because you’ll have already done your homework.

Hi, love the sex positive vibe! Quick question...I've been looking at vibrators for sometime now (preferably ones that cater for both clitoral and G spot stimulation) because I have trouble getting myself off and I think having one would be a fun way to experiment in my own time. However, my long-term boyfriend has a serious issue with it and has really kicked up a storm about me being interested in buying one. I've tried to reason with him but he sees it as me replacing him, and he's threatened. We also have slight issues with sex, so i believe he's insecure.. It's really pissing me off as I feel like it's not a big deal, and he claims only 'sluts' have vibrators.
What's the best vibrator, in your opinion, and what's your take on the boyfriend sitch?

At this very moment, I think the best vibrator is California Exotics Butterfly Kiss (I know, I’ve pimped it a lot recently). Other readers have told me they love it too. There is no motor in the shaft, so it’s completely pliable and great for g-spot stimulating. You can bend, twist, and turn that thing inside you any which way to float your boat.

Now, on to your boyfriend. I’ll just come out and say it; I don’t like him. I don’t like his claim that only sluts have vibrators and his assumption that a sex toy will replace him. He needs to lighten up. Sex toys are not substitutes for actual human partners. They are only additions to a person’s sex life. Just because you get a vibrator doesn’t mean you’ll have no interest in his dick. Like you said, he probably is a bit insecure and thinks you’ll compare his performance to your vibrator, which will not happen. Let him know that a vibrator will improve both of your sex lives. You’ll be learning new ways to get yourself off, and he’ll have the pleasure of pleasuring you with the new toy.

He might also end up wanting to use the damn thing on himself. Some men enjoy the vibrator stimulation on their penis and around their balls. Sex toys aren’t gender-specific. Just because a vibrator is pink and has a butterfly doesn’t mean a man can’t be turned on by its use. Try to get him to understand this notion and not feel threatened.

If he still acts like an ass, then I won’t be upset if you dump him. I’ll even let you crash on my couch if you need a place to stay, and the very next morning we’ll go sex toy shopping.

If your a girl how do you know when your about to cum? Im scared I dont know how.

Based off some of the questions in my ask box, lots of girls don’t know how to come or reach orgasm, so your question is helping out others, Anonymous.

It’s true, you might not know how to come right now. The only way you’ll learn is with practice through masturbating. When you do start playing with yourself and getting comfortable with things down there, you’ll begin to feel pleasure in your cooch, which will eventually lead to an orgasm. I wish I could provide you with an instruction book, but there is no such thing. I can say start with the basics by just using your fingers to rub your clit and climb inside your vaginal walls. Then graduate to a clitoral stimulator and/or non-threatening vibrator.

When you do finally reach the big O, you’ll know something’s up. There are numerous signs and indicators that vary from person-to-person. When you do finally orgasm, you’ll probably feel a big rush, a little numb, and then tired, while reveling in the joy that you finally know what others are talking about.

does to much masterbation bad??? male, bi

In my opinion, the only way too much masturbation can be bad is if it interferes too much with your daily life, thus causing you to miss school, work, birthdays, funerals, library books sales, amusement parks, your baby’s first step, etc.

I always cum really fast when I'm having sex. After I cum once I am able to last for a very long time. Is there a way to fix this? I just don't like cumming fast, it makes me feel bad.

Male, straight

Once again, another answer provided from the male perspective by Mathieu.

This can be a problem, trust me. First and foremost, friend, don’t feel bad; it happens to the best of us. Realistically, you may need to start having more sex. Through practice and patience, though mind you, you’ll be having fun, you’ll eventually start learning to control your release. Pace yourself during sex, she may want it hard and fast, but tease her slowly—acclimate yourself to the feel of her so you can better control your thrusts. The biggest lesson here is to start getting in touch with your kegel muscles, the same muscles that allow you to ejaculate hard and/or stop pissing mid-stream, are your kegel muscles. With proper toning and use you can even separate ejaculation from orgasm, which is FUCKING AWESOME (pun intended), by the way. So many men think that ejaculation and orgasm go hand in hand, but realistically when you separate the two, you’ll be able to have multiple orgasms before finishing off with an ejaculatory-orgasm. 

Pro-Tip: Start training yourself in this skill through masturbation, work your way to the edge of an orgasm then stop, remove your hands, and clench those muscles. Yes, you will ejaculate a little, but you will be able to start controlling your orgasms. 

In the meantime keep enjoying sex, pace yourself, and don’t apologize for ejaculating quickly. Besides, you have fingers and a tongue, have at her. 

I just found your blog, I could have used all of this years ago when the TX school system WASN'T teaching me about sex (I'm sure you know how that is).

I'm a lesbian, 18, and I live in a pretty small city. I've never had sex. I would like to be sexually active (with the right woman) and I enjoy (pro-woman) pornography and erotica, but the idea of masturbation doesn't appeal to me, I'd rather have sex. I find nothing inherently wrong with masturbation, I have plenty of friends who do it, but it's just not something that interests me. Is it odd that I want to wait to engage in sexual activity until I have someone?

I used to think the same thing. When I was younger and unaware, I always that of masturbating as settling. Why do that when I can have the real thing? Well, when the real thing wasn’t so easy to get (damn those breakups!), I got horny again and soon realized what I was missing. What really turned me to masturbating though, was vibrators. They can do so much more than a penis, and they come in fun colors. I remember when my first one came in the mail. It was like Christmas in September. I actually just got a new one that is now the favorite in my collection. (Seriously, ladies, get yourself a California Exotics Butterfly Kiss.)

There is nothing wrong or odd with you not being interested in masturbating. You’re young and you still have so much more to discover and understand in your sexually experienced future. I have a feeling you’ll eventually learn to love pleasuring yourself.