By Lisa Khoury
…An elegant woman does not vandalize the temple she has been blessed with as her body. She appreciates it. She flaunts it. She’s not happy with it? She goes to the gym. She dresses it up in lavish, fun, trendy clothes, enjoying trips to the mall with her girlfriends. She accentuates her legs with high heels. She gets her nails done. She enjoys the finer things in life, all with the body she was blessed with. But marking it up with ink? That’s just not necessary.
Jezebel brought this article to my attention. I would like the author of the column Lisa Khoury to know that I love my 3 tattoos. I know some people may find the bat tattooed on my ankle to be ridiculous and a stupid mistake, but I don’t care. Every time I see that bat, I smile. I’ve had it for 5 or 6 years, and I still don’t regret it. I don’t like how Khoury says my body is a beautiful temple that can turn heads, and I shouldn’t desecrate it permanently with ink, thus making myself less classy. I write thank you notes, I say please and thank you, and I watch PBS — wouldn’t you say these are “classy” activities?
And if I had a Ferrari, it would have a bumper sticker on it — an Obama 2012 bumper sticker. And I’d still feel classy.
body image
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bullshit
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Lisa Khoury
Anonymous: So I’m 16 and I’m sexually active, I’m wondering if that is wrong? My parents are strange, they told my brother (they had the talk with him when he was 14 or 15) That if he was going to have sex it should be protected but they never had the talk with me. I want a boyfriend (but they tell me no). Is there any difference between being a boy and having sex? What they don’t know is that Ive been with my boyfriend (that they don’t know about) for a while and already had sex. Is that bad?
Double standard, anyone? First question, are you using protection while being sexually active? Then no, you’re not doing anything wrong.
Second question, as cliché and angry feministy it sounds, it’s more acceptable for men to have sex. Like the movies American Pie, The Sure Thing, and Porky’s would tell us, men are constantly on a quest to have sex for the first time. It’s in their primitive and animalistic nature.
On the other hand, ladies are sweet, gentle, and pure flowers. They are not to be tarnished by sex until they are mature and in a loving and caring relationship. At the same time, they are also not supposed to be uptight cock teasers. Just look at Sex and the City. There’s a reason why Samantha is referred to as “the slut” and Charlotte as “the prude.” I don’t know why your parents refuse to let you have a boyfriend or want to discuss the birds and the bees, but I suspect this gender conditioning can partially be to blame.
As I mentioned earlier, if you’re using protection, then I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong or behaving badly. You’re being mature and responsible with your sex life. However, if you are having unprotected sex with your boyfriend, then you are just being careless and playing the pregnant Russian roulette game. In time your parents will come around and realize you will be in relationships and those relationships will become intimate. Plus, you’re 16, in two years you’ll be out of the house, possibly away at college, and not under their overly-protective thumbs.
In the meantime, since your parents aren’t willing to talk to you about these things, I recommend getting a copy of Heather Corinna’s book S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College. It’s really informative, affordable, and written in a fun and conversational way. And if you are interested in learning more about the concept of virginity, read Virginity Lost by Laura Carpenter.
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recommended reading
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heather corinna
books
laura carpenter
virginity lost
dominic-scaia:
19 year old transman violently attacked for being trans
19-year-old transman, James Alexander, was violently attacked for being trans yesterday morning while going for a walk in his neighborhood. To get to his destination, he had to walk past the house of a girl he was once interested in who had turned him down in the past (saying that “she can’t be with him because he’s not a real man” and that “she’d consider him IF he had a penis.”, and also calling him a “faggot”.), but he didn’t think anything of it, as he’s lived in the area for three years. He certainly wasn’t expecting what was to come.
As he walked past the house of the girl, she came out, and told him she wanted to talk to him. James stopped, to be polite, and because he figured he’d let her say what she needed to say. She asked him if he is a man, to which he said “Yes.”. She then told him to prove he’s a man. He told her off, and began to walk away. As he was walking away, he felt someone grab the back of his shirt. The person spun him around to face them, and he discovered that it was the girls six-foot-five, 25-year-old boyfriend, Mark. Mark yelled in his face and also told him to prove he was a guy. James told him to back off, and shoved him away. Both the girl and Mark called James a “faggot”, and he began to cry. The two of them then proceeded to make fun of James for crying, saying “Oh look, the little girl is crying”. James started to walk away again, as Mark approached him and punched him in the face, right in the eye.. and continued hitting him repeatedly, while laughing, because James was crying.
James, who is significantly smaller than Mark, at five-foot-eight, and is not a violent person at all, defended himself as best he could, and got away.. but not before he sustained injuries to his face and hand, as well as psychological trauma.
James’ mother called the police, and also had him take photos of his injuries.. but it would seem that Mark is not going to be charged, after all. James explains, “It’s his word against mine. He has his mom, his girl, and three other people saying he didn’t do anything.. so even though I have a broken face and can’t physically stop crying or shaking, he is just getting a warning. I’m pressing charges, but he won’t be arrested. Just told to go to court on a certain day I guess.”
The bottom line is that he was attacked for a specific reason; for being trans. That qualifies what happened to him as a hate crime. This was a violent transphobic attack, and the guy who did this to this 19 year old transman, needs to be charged and convicted accordingly. It’s unfortunate that they won’t arrest Mark.. but I do hope that once this goes to court, he’s punished. He shouldn’t be able to just get away with this. Too many times has an incident like this happened, and the attacker gone free. It’s time we (transgender individuals) started being taken seriously when things like this happen to us.
If anyone who is reading this knows of any resources that could help James to ensure his attacker is convicted (legal counsel for trans people, etc), he can be contacted at ericjames1302@yahoo.com.
Also, if you’re a journalist who would like to write about this, I encourage you to do so, as increasing awareness about this incident is very important. There needs to be a huge public outcry about this. This boy needs all the support he can get. Then, maybe something will be done.
Once again, James can be contacted at ericjames1302@yahoo.com.
assault
gender
hate crime
james alexander
transgender
transphobia
lgbtq
Is this a man or a woman? They have finely tailored eyebrows, long hair, full lips, and high cheekbones. All signs of a woman, right?
Nope. This is a photo of Andrej Pejic, a male model and rising star in the fashion industry. His androgynous features have made him the model du jour of numerous designers, but also garnered him some controversy. When Barnes & Noble received a copy of a magazine with him on the cover, they wrapped the lower half in opaque plastic before displaying on the rack. Apparently him wearing curlers, makeup, and no shirt can cause people to think he’s a naked young girl.
Double standard? Censoring? Intolerance? All of the above? Think it over.
male model
model
gender
dossier
Andrej Pejic
androgyny
Anonymous
Re: the vulva-talk: can we also try some to keep the language to not be cis-centric...?
I’ve received other comments on my language in regards to gender, and I’m trying very hard to be neutral and non-ciscentric, but it is a difficult process. Years of gender conditioning comes through in my writing, and sometimes it slips. I know their is ambiguity in regards to gender, but old habits die hard.
I’m also still learning proper the usage of gender neutral language. I don’t want to say something the wrong way. I don’t want to offend someone even if I’m trying my best to be aware and neutral, so please bear with me during the process. Please know I do not intend to isolate anyone with the gender pronouns I use.
And perhaps one day the MLA Handbook or Chicago Manuel of Style will have an entire section devoted to the proper usage of this subject.
ciscentric
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Introducing Carlsberg Copenhagen, “a crisp refreshing beer brewed with all natural ingredients and cold filtered for purity.” It markets itself as a beer for both men and women. As an avid female beer fan, I never knew certain ales were assigned to a particular gender. Is my beloved Fat Tire not meant for me? Am I only destined to drink the low carb yet merely adequate tasting Michelob Ultra?
Carlsberg Copenhagen
beer
gender
Female and straight
is it normal to think that trans genders are attractive in some ways?
Of course it is. People are attracted to people, and transgender are people too. It’s very normal.
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dating
gender
transgender
lgbtq
Anonymous
im 17, female, i likee guyys (: i just wanted to know if when i tell a guy that im a virgin what they think of me.. like oh shes prude. or oh thats a good thing?
It all depends on the guy. I’m inclined to think a majority of the time, they don’t care. I do know there are some who really enjoy it and take pride in “owning” a girl’s virginity. Either way, I doubt you’ll come across anyone disgusted or turned off by your virginhood.
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virginity
gender
relationships
Male - Straight - Midwest
I've been dating on and off for a few years. Between grabbing drinks or having dinner, most of my dates end in a sexual experience. I'm not disappointed in this, but sometimes I want to just have a good time and get to know somebody. The sexual tension in most cases overwhelms the date and it's inevitable. What strategies or tips do you have for releasing sexual tension without diving in?
“Men are so made that they can resist sound argument, and yet yield to a glance.”
— Honoré de Balzac
While you might be tempted to have a roll in the hay immediately, don’t. Resist resist resist! I know it can be hard, but think about it; you say you want to get to know a girl first before becoming intimate. Then stop being self-destructive and succumbing to temptation. I know, it’s weird for a girl who writes a blog about sex to tell someone to resist sex, but there are times when abcense makes the heart grow fonder. Listen to Balzac, and put off the sex momentarily.
And chock the chicken/masturbate before these dates/get-togethers. That’s a word of advice from the not-so-literary classic There’s Something About Mary.
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relationships
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masturbating
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there's something about mary
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Anonymous
In response to the latest cherry popping question, apparently it is possible for males. My boyfriend had to explain it to me after I did it giving him a hand job, I'd never heard of it before. Apparently it refers to the first time the foreskin is pulled back by a certain degree, I'm not entirely sure about the specifics, and I've never met anyone else who knew about it. But I guess thats probably what someone talking about a guys cherry being popped is talking about, as it's meant to happen during sex, but just like the female cherry can happen other ways
I suppose that makes sense, but then would circumcised men always remain virgins since they don’t have foreskins? Or would they be devirginized during their circumcision surgery?
It’s very silly to focus on some specific membrane or body part being removed or torn to signify the loss of one’s virginity. I say let the individual decide because only they really know the entire history of their sex life.
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virginity
popped cherry
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In regards to the anon reader whose boyfriend doesn't like for her to use vibrators:
If she really wants to continue the relationship, then she should just not talk about the vibrator or incorporate them in her sex life. I would have a hard time getting past the way he thinks about girls with vibrators, but if she can, then that's great for her. One guy I was in a relationship with was threatened by the idea of me having just a little bullet, so I saved it for times when it just me, myself and I, and he was cool with that because half the time we were in a long-distance relationship.
If the vibrator is the issue, then that's what I personally recommend, having been in the same situation. If I were here, which I know I am not, I would be more concerned about why he feels negatively towards that area of female sexuality.
This is also good advice, jenniferwillcut. I agree with you; I couldn’t be with someone who prohibited me owning vibrators. Perhaps the disclosure and agreement not to discuss the sex toy with your partner is a good option. Let’s just hope her guy would be open to that compromise.
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babeland:
whiskeylovelace:
…
tmitaboutgender:
“As someone who currently identifies neither fully cisgender nor transgender, I get excited because this level of visibility corresponds to my dream of this “genre” expanding and bringing the integrity of the pornographers/performers and our identities, politics, and expressions to the world. The more queer porn is out there — in this case featuring trans and gender-variant performers — the more common and familiar our vocabulary and engagement becomes. Already I have been asked many times what it means to be genderqueer (which is how I identify) — and I sometimes find that sometimes the person asking identifies with me! I’m blown away by how amazing it feels to receive messages from people saying that porn helped to affirm or explore their sexual and/or gender identity and desires.”
- Jiz Lee
the quote the quote the quooooote!!!
black and white
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I am a Bisexual girl, and i have no problem turning strait girls gay by being their first, but for some reason i have a problem with devirginizing guys, i just don't want to have sex with a guy that s a virgin no matter how much i like him, whats wrong with me?
First thing first, riarandom. You are not “turning” any straight women gay. Sexuality isn’t a choice or a magic spell cast by others to reinforce the so-called gay agenda. You are merely helping them discover and come to terms with their sexuality, which they were born with. I’m sure you didn’t mean it that way either, but vernacular is very important considering some right-wing conservatives like to think people choose to be gay or bisexual and therefore, deviate from the heterosexual “norm.”
Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, time for you question. By focusing on these men and constantly reminding yourself they are virgins, you’re putting way too much pressure on yourself. Think about it, if you had no clue he was a virgin, would you be able to perform comfortably? You probably would. Just think of these virgins are men you lust for, like any other man you happen to sleep with. They aren’t conquests, possessions, or anomalies. We were all virgins at one point in our lives, and someone has to do the deed and be our firsts. If you like them and want to sleep with them, why not go ahead?
bisexuality
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I just read the anon question about vibrators and her boyfriend being so against it. I feel so bad for them because my boyfriend BOUGHT me a vibrator haha! He even was perfectly fine with while having anal sex I used it vaginally and he even got some great pleasure out of it since he could feel the vibration through me. Anyways It made me feel thankful for my man!
You and 1294 have great boyfriends. You are probably referring to this question, and yes, there’s nothing wrong with bringing a vibrator into couple’s play. I’m glad your boyfriend is so eager to explore the world of sex toys and even purchase some for you. Give him a kiss and gold star for me please.
Others who are concerned as to what role a sex toy should take in a couple’s life, please read this Salon article by Tracy Clark-Flory on the topic. It discusses how vibrators are great additions to a person’s sex life and not replacements.
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