It's just sex

Let's talk about being the teacher

boobunny — Sun, 20 May 2012 13:57:43 -0500

Anonymous: Female/Straight. I was my boyfriend’s first, and we’ve been having sex for a good 3 months. He’s 23 but has been a bit in the dark when it comes to sex. Needless to say, I’ve had more experience. We only do missionary position (it always makes me cum and all), and he always seems nervous to let his hands go past my underwear. Foreplay-wise, I’ve done hand and oral for him (oral took some convincing seeing as he was under the impression no girl likes it and he didn’t want me to be uncomfortable). How can I get him to try some new positions and foreplay techniques without overwhelming or embarrassing him?

Mathieu is here to help you, Anonymous.

There are a few excellent ways to go about enticing your boy to try new things. First, and possibly the most beneficial for your relationship, would be to talk to him about your desire to try new things. However, dress this conversation up as foreplay. Utilize your feminine whiles, and flirt suggestively with him. This mode of communication will allow you to progress immediately into those deeds and will excuse you from any sort of awkward conversation in which you appear, at worst, “unhappy”. Unhappiness, by the way, is a massive demotivation state for arousal.

Another possibility would be to simply take control in the bedroom. Be coy, be convincing, be aggressive if need be. The risk here, of course, is the possibility that he will be embarrassed, which can lead to further *cough cough*, complications. Yet another fantastic option would be to watch pornography together, suddenly get “inspired” by some intriguing position, and then try it. Regardless of whatever way you choose to bring the sex god out of your boyfriend I’m certain that you will enjoy the process.

Christine’s 2 cents: Building off Mathieu’s advice on foreplay, also try being a subtle guide. Take his hands and direct them to places you want him to go. He might be nervous to initiate more contact because he doesn’t know if you’re comfortable with it or not. Of course, don’t pressure him. If he’s always moving his hands away, then respect his boundaries. And, shameless plug, maybe you could direct him to my website.

Let's talk about enjoying the first time

boobunny — Sun, 20 May 2012 13:39:53 -0500

sculder: Just wanted to say, I had sex for the first time about a month ago with my boyfriend. It was both our first times. It didn’t hurt at all for me. Reading the tips and advice on your blog helped me, I think. We’ve been doing it pretty frequently now, safely of course. I’m never going back! :)

I’m glad I could be of help, and my efforts here aren’t for naught. Now, go forth and orgasm, but always with protection.

It's just sex: Let's talk about geysers

boobunny — Sun, 20 May 2012 13:16:19 -0500

It's just sex: Let's talk about geysers:

paprikaaaa:

itsjustsex:

Anonymous: I’ve been following your blog for quite some time, and I love the advice you give out. I have my own question this time. Almost every time I have sex with my partner, I ejaculate. Not blasting out, but it sort of trickles out of me and goes EVERYWHERE. I find it to be annoying and uncomfortable. Usually when I masturbate on my own, it doesn’t happen, but tonight I got myself off with a vibrator and surprise! Got my mattress wet! Advice on how to stop it or reduce the amount? cisF/straight/21

Oh, Anonymous, why would you want it to stop? You’re probably experiencing a g-spot orgasm — what some consider to be the holiest of orgasms. I don’t know of any way to stop it, and I suspect there probably isn’t one. However, you can take certain preventative measures in order to ensure easy clean up. Lie a towel (or two) down on the bed before you have sex so it can asbord the liquid rather than your sheets. A thick blanket will work just as well too.

And while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about the science behind female ejaculate. About 40% of females/uterus owners have the ability to ejaculate. Not many researchers have looked into the biology behind it, but according to one of my books, Skene’s glands are most likely the manufacturers of the fluid. When a woman becomes aroused and orgasms, she can ejaculate anywhere from a small amount to a cup of this fluid through her urethra. The fluid is not pee, but is actually a mixture of proteins and sugars similar to male ejaculate (minus the sperm). Other researchers believe it only happens as a result of a g-spot orgasm.

Shameless self-promotion: Don’t forget I’m on Twitter now @thisthingblows.

I totally understand how bothered by the mess people can be.

Good news, friends. Armedvegan wrote to me and suggested this product.

For the writer who asked about geysers, my partner and I used waterproof sheeting on the bed. The best thing was they were washable, portable, and relatively discreet.

Under $20 with free shipping on Amazon, and it looks good for someone who sweats in their sleep too. Or am I the only one who has that problem?

Let's talk about potential awkwardness

boobunny — Sat, 19 May 2012 11:26:22 -0500

Anonymous: I’ve been on two dates with this guy. We’ve only kissed twice, but he does show signs that he wants to initiate more. We’re not dating, (I’m 16, he’s 17). I’m not all too sure about his sexual past…he had a long term girlfriend and I’m not sure if they had sex or not. I have not had sex but have dated and am worried that if we do go farther it’ll be awkward because I’m a little bit bigger than him..all my lower half of my body…do you think it’ll be awkward if we do do anything because of my size?

And also, I’m on Yasmin bc, and I’ve been researching it but I cannot find out if it’s actually effective in preventing pregnancy because I haven’t had sex. If you know anything about that, it would be appreciated.

Never fear! Mathieu is here to handle your insecure sexual woes.

Hey kiddo, let’s cut straight to the chase, sexual pasts are just that: pasts. Regardless of whom you’ve been with, or without, and for how long is irrelevant: each sexual experience with a partner is a new adventure. My suggestion would be to focus on the immediate relationship at hand. As far as what steps to take, that—unfortunately—is a discussion for you and your boy. Concerning your apprehension about “going further”. If your partner is expressing interest in progressing sexually, and you feel the same, then by all means you should progress. Body concerns are wildly prolific in our society and you, by no means, are alone in your insecurities. That being said, however, your partner is seeing past that with his sexual interest in you! Go forth and be orgasmic!

This is Christine providing advice regarding the pill. If taken perfectly, the pill is over 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. Perfect use means you take it at the same time everyday. However, it does not protect against STDs/STIs. If your partner has not been tested since his last sexual partner, you should use a condom as well for this very reason.

Let's talk about the pill and sterility

boobunny — Sat, 19 May 2012 10:35:00 -0500

Anonymous: Your last post about the desensitizing has given me the biggest relief in the world… I thought I was broken as well! But I had a question, (straight, 19 female) I’ve been on birth control pills for hormonal asthma for about 2 years (I’m not sexually active), I was reading the HUGE paper inside all my packs and I saw something about possibly becoming sterile and freaked out. Is there a chance I may not be able to have babies because of using birth control? Please help!

Wow, Anonymous, you’ve certainly put my skills to the test. I combed through both of my sexual health Bibles and couldn’t find anything regarding permanent sterility and oral contraceptives. Since there are so many different kinds of birth control pills, it’s hard to offer sound advice on your question. I am going to assume you’re on the most popular kind, which is the combo progestin and estrogen rather than the protestin-only mini-pill. However, I cannot find anything regarding sterility in my own combo pill pack’s fine print, so there goes that reference. The only thing that might affect your ability to procreate would be a temporary halt or change in production of your cervical mucus as you transition off the pill. However, this change in mucus is only temporary, and your body reverts to normal production soon thereafter.

Fun fact: Thin and slippery cervical mucus allow sperm to easily pass through the vaginal walls and reach the cervix for fertilization. Those who the practice fertility awareness method check their cervical mucus in order to find out when they’re ovulating. They know it’s safe to have sex when the mucus is thick and cloudy or altogether dry. If they’re ovulating or about to, the mucus is thin and feels like egg whites. I, however, do not condone this method of contraception since reported rates of effectiveness range between 80 to 93%. Compare that to the cheap, easily accessible, and 99% effectiveness of condoms — no contest.

And for more reliable advice regarding your prescription of birth control, I suggest you take this question to either your doctor or local pharmacist.

Ya’ll, one of my favorite movies dealing with sexual...

boobunny — Sat, 19 May 2012 10:06:58 -0500

Ya’ll, one of my favorite movies dealing with sexual relations is now available on Netflix Instant. Enjoy Cruel Intentions.

Let's talk about those balls turning blue

boobunny — Wed, 16 May 2012 19:16:56 -0500

Anonymous: hey I’m a heterosexual girl, I wanna know if guys might get sick or a little bit lost with some headache or something if they get horny but actually not have sex or anything more or less like it , thaaank you :))

Mathieu has balls. Ergo, he tackles this question for me.

Indeed we can. The affliction has a rather silly street name known as “blue balls” which can equate to a feeling of nausea and lightheadedness. This condition is part of the process of the sympathetic nervous system, which is designed to govern the four F’s: feed, fight, flight and *cough*, mate… Anyhow when the body prepares you to expect a sexual release and then subsequently does not receive that release, it can be quite frustrating from both a physical and cognitive perspective.

My suggestion? Well with the newly patented Hand™ from the makers of Standing Upright™ and Evolution-in-General™ all your worries, stress, and frustration can be alleviated! Men experiencing the condition, which is properly called epididymal hypertension, should resort to either masturbation or a very close friend. Upon ejaculation, the tension will be released and the flood of endorphins should alleviate any headaches and further discomforts.

Let's talk about routine maintenance

boobunny — Wed, 16 May 2012 18:47:21 -0500

Anonymous: How critical is it for virgins to get pap smears/gynecologist exams?

You’ll hear differing opinions when it comes to the proper age for women to begin getting their annual pelvic exams. Some say they should begin once a girl begins to menstruate, some when she turns 18, and others argue not until she becomes sexually active. In all actuality, a pelvic exam’s sole purpose isn’t to check for STDs/STIs. During the exam, the doctor checks for any discomfort or tenderness you might feel in your ovaries or uterus, does a breast exam (and probably teaches you how to do a self-administered one), and looks for signs of irritation or infection in the vaginal walls and mucus.

There are lots of other reasons why a virginal woman/uterus owner would need a pelvic exam too. Some STIs can be transmitted via oral sex. Even if you’ve never been penetrated vaginally with a penis, you can still be at risk for things like gonorrhoea, herpes, and syphilis. The doctor will also look for any sores or lesions on or around your vaginal walls, possibly caused by these infections or viruses. If present, they will take a culture to analyze and diagnose said areas in order to decide if you need treatment. The doctor might also draw blood, which they can use to check for hormonal imbalances and these STDs/STIs as well.

So yes, there are many reasons why a virgin should get a pelvic exam, but I feel I need to offer some clarification. We (or at least I) tend to use the phrase “pap smear” interchangeably with “well woman exam” or “pelvic exam.” The pap smear is just one part of your annual pelvic exam. The pap test/smear is the actual swab taken from the cervix via a long q-tip and speculum. Some doctors will administer a pelvic exam without doing a pap test if they feel it is unnecessary because their patient is not yet sexually active. It just depends on the practitioner and their patient.

Happy Gestation Appreciation Day! May you enjoy all the...

boobunny — Sun, 13 May 2012 20:45:42 -0500

Happy Gestation Appreciation Day! May you enjoy all the Twilight-inspired Mommy Porn this world has to offer you.

Let's talk about breaking a routine

boobunny — Sun, 13 May 2012 14:01:00 -0500

Anonymous: 19 female — I just had sex for the first time a few weeks ago. At first it was painful but my partner and I fixed that problem by using lubricant and being more turned on before hand. Now when we do it I am not in pain but I don’t feel much at all. I can feel him inside of me but it’s not that satisfying feeling that I should be having. Last summer I started getting off using the shower head. It worked really well so I continued to do it until recently when I started seeing this guy. I think because I only used the shower for so long (a year), it has desensitized me to person to person contact. We have tried fingering, oral and sex and nothing seems to work. Do you think I am forever broken because I jumped the gun in the shower before doing that stuff with an actual guy?

It’s getting to the point where he thinks that he is not big enough for me but I don’t think that is the problem because I was a virgin before doing it with him and I’m a pretty small person. But I have no other experience to compare him to to know what the problem is. The only thing we haven’t tried is a vibrator. I could try that on myself and see if that works.

First off, you aren’t broken, and he isn’t too small.

It’s been said that when you first start to masturbate and only stick to one method, your body eventually gets used to that one method and can’t orgasm any other way. In order to fix the problem, you need to stop the shower head cold turkey and practice practice practice with a variety of different methods. You also need to practice alone so you can figure out what works best for you. Of course when the boyfriend is over, he can also help you along the way, but this purging yourself of the shower head sensation is probably going to be a solo effort.

Keep at it with the fingers and whatever toys you have available. If you don’t have toys, then get some. For penetration, my recommendation will come at no surprise to regular readers — California Exotics Butterfly Kiss. You should also invest in a clitoral stimulator. A pulsating shower head stimulates the clitoris, and it might help with the new training you’re about to partake. You can never go wrong with the tired and true Pocket Rocket or Mini Massager (less than $6!). All three are waterproof, so you can use them in the same bathtub setting as you would the shower. This might help your body react more easily.

Because you also seem to respond mainly on clitoral stimulation, make sure your boyfriend tends to that area during sex. He can either finger you before/during and you can finger yourself while he’s inside you. The Pocket Rocket can also be used mid-coitus for an even more powerful stimulation. Your boyfriend might enjoy the pulsating sensation too.

So don’t give up. Your situation is not a lost cause, and I’m confident you’ll find a solution. Good luck, my lovely gardenia.

And in the meantime, don’t touch that shower head!

Shameless self-promotion: Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @thisthingblows. I’m so new to it and have no idea what I’m doing. I promise I won’t tweet unnecessary things like, “I just took a big poop. Boy do I feel satisfied!” or stories from my unadventurous runs to the supermarket.

Let's talk about stroking my ego

boobunny — Sun, 13 May 2012 13:31:00 -0500

Anonymous: Hey! So I’m taking a human sexuality class and I introduced my class to your blog and everyone loves it! Including my teacher! She loves everything you post, especially the videos! Thanks a ton!

I find this comment very flattering, but also intimidating. I’m glad you enjoy my work so much, but now I must try extra hard to be good since you’ve gotten academia involved in the entire thing.

I kid. I’m so glad my blog got your brownie points in class. I’ll keep posting the videos and aiming to please. In fact, here’s a video just for you.

Just wanted to let you know I got my annual pap smear last...

boobunny — Sun, 13 May 2012 13:01:00 -0500

Just wanted to let you know I got my annual pap smear last Thursday. Appointment was at 1:10pm, and I was out of there by 1:30pm — painless and quick. I kept my socks on too.

Cervix owners, have you scheduled yours yet?

plannedparenthood: Fight Sperm with the Morning-After...

boobunny — Thu, 10 May 2012 23:00:08 -0500

plannedparenthood:

Fight Sperm with the Morning-After Pill

This is delightful.

spuffymafia: Inappropriate Spuffy Quote by Liz the...

boobunny — Thu, 10 May 2012 20:16:02 -0500

spuffymafia:

Inappropriate Spuffy Quote by Liz the Spanker

Buffy with Spike was always my favorite.

Reading the story about Mitt Romney’s high school role as...

boobunny — Thu, 10 May 2012 20:00:00 -0500

Reading the story about Mitt Romney’s high school role as an alleged bully made me really sad. I was consistently picked on from 7th to 10th grade by the same three girls. It really really really sucked. I haven’t seen them since I left that high school (for reasons not related to the bullying), but if I did, I still don’t know if I’d be able to really forgive those classmates. I hope Romney’s apologies are sincere and not something he’s issuing to save face. If he did do these things, I really hope he remembers it one day. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay, straight, boy, girl, short, fat, or whatever — if you’re picked on, you don’t forget what happened. You just hope one day your bullies will realize what assholes they once were and learn never to treat people that poorly ever again.

plannedparenthood: No matter if you’ve burned it in protest,...

boobunny — Thu, 10 May 2012 19:46:00 -0500

plannedparenthood:

No matter if you’ve burned it in protest, used it to brandish your bosoms with pride, bemoaned its biting brace, benefited from its enhancing boost, or bought one for a boo, the bra has an interesting biography.

Fun fact: Brassiere was entered into the Oxford English Dictionary in 1911.

The evolutionary period is over! Biden did it Sunday on Meet The...

boobunny — Wed, 09 May 2012 17:50:00 -0500

The evolutionary period is over!

Biden did it Sunday on Meet The Press and now Obama has fallen suit and finally announced his support for gay marriage. Let’s hope these proclamations don’t isolate independent or left-leaning Republican voters come November. While the news inundates us with people being either “extremely for” or “extremely against” gay marriage, I’d like to believe the rest of the country isn’t that polarizing. I’d like to think the anti-gay marriage proponents are just really good at being loud and getting the message across through different platforms. I’d like to think the rest of America isn’t so close-minded.

Fortunately this Gallup Poll survey released yesterday does not make America’s future so grim.

According to them, at least half of Americans are pro gay marriage. Obama would need at least 270 out of 538 electoral votes to win an absolute majority (equaling about 50.1%) and secure the presidency for another 4 years.

Regular readers will know I’m a strong proponent for gay marriage. It’s a basic human right that anyone should be allowed to enter. When opponents talk about the sanctity of marriage, I get so frustrated. It’s okay for Kim Kardashian to get married for 72 days at an average cost of $138,888 per day, but if two people of the same sex want to — blasphemy!

It’s not just the ceremony that’s important too. Being married comes with all kinds of perks, some of which I feel many heterosexual couples fail to recognize. For example, insurance providers would have no choice but to allow gay couples share health plans through their employers. Visits to the hospital when only “immediate family” is allowed present wouldn’t be an issue. Tax breaks! Inheritance tax! Estate planning! I could go on and on. Hell, allowing gays to marry and divorce (another perk) provides income for the economy! Perhaps it can even be labeled as a “job creator”.

So if you’re on the fence with the issue, ask yourself, “Would I really lose anything if marriage equality was passed?” If you’re still unsure, think of me and the millions of other children in this country who are from same-sex households. Remember how families like ours come in all shapes and sizes. Think about how much easier life would have been for my sister and me had our mom been able to do something so simple like put us and herself on her partner’s employer health insurance plan. If you’re still unsure, then watch Zach Wahls’ address to Iowa legislatures.

And if that still doesn’t change your mind, then listen to Grover and Jesse.

Contribute to the campaign if you can too.

Let's talk about those lips

boobunny — Tue, 08 May 2012 18:59:00 -0500

Anonymous: i am 14 and have had a problem since i was twelve that has slowly gotten worse. It started before i even started my period which i did when i was twelve. My labia minora i presume is larger on the right side, the skin is stretched and looks gross, it extends from my clit to my inner wall. I have a boyfriend and am self conscious to let him touch me for fear he’ll question it. I don’t know what it is, doesn’t hurt, just looks and feels wrong.

Friends, remember Mathieu? He’s back to help me with your sexual woes.

Hey kiddo, I’m going to tell you something that you really need to understand: Men do not care about the appearance of your labia. I say this because when it comes down to brass tacks, men want the whole package. They want the woman as a complete person. Sex isn’t just about the vagina, it’s about eyes, and legs, and hair pulling, and biting and so, so much more. Therefore sex is, or should be, much less about specific body parts and more about enjoying the “time” you’re spending with the other person. Should your boyfriend judge you because of this situation, I would consider reconsidering your choice of boy.

This is Christine adding my own two cents. As many dedicated readers know, I have a fascination and border-line obsession with labia and women’s perceptions. I’ve always been a proponent of loving your own lovely lady lips, but I understand where you’re coming from as far as insecurity goes. I just want you to remember that you are young, and your body is still changing. While there really is no normal when it comes to labia size, the description of your lip placement and area covered is perfectly natural. I’m confident your boyfriend will not be inspecting you up and down and comparing your lip length. He’ll be too preoccupied with other things related to your body.

However, I do recommend you watch The Perfect Vagina. I love this documentary, and they really get down to the nitty gritty of labia and vulva variances. Keep in mind it is very NSFW. They show everything including a labiaplasty (labia reduction) surgery. However, I think it will really help. If you’d like an illustrated comparison too, check out the infamous and lovely Betty Dodson sketches.

Don’t forget to follow Mathieu’s tumblr and me on Twitter.

Funny or Die does it again! I love their political humor.

boobunny — Tue, 08 May 2012 18:31:20 -0500

Funny or Die does it again! I love their political humor.

magdolenelives: Thou shalt not mess with a woman’s reproductive...

boobunny — Tue, 08 May 2012 18:01:31 -0500

magdolenelives:

Thou shalt not mess with a woman’s reproductive rights.” — Fallopians 4:28

[Courtesy Arizona Women Unite Rally April 28th, 2012]