Let’s talk about sugar and spice and everything nice

Anonymous: So I’m 16 and I’m sexually active, I’m wondering if that is wrong? My parents are strange, they told my brother (they had the talk with him when he was 14 or 15) That if he was going to have sex it should be protected but they never had the talk with me. I want a boyfriend (but they tell me no). Is there any difference between being a boy and having sex? What they don’t know is that Ive been with my boyfriend (that they don’t know about) for a while and already had sex. Is that bad?

Double standard, anyone? First question, are you using protection while being sexually active? Then no, you’re not doing anything wrong.

Second question, as cliché and angry feministy it sounds, it’s more acceptable for men to have sex. Like the movies American Pie, The Sure Thing, and Porky’s would tell us, men are constantly on a quest to have sex for the first time. It’s in their primitive and animalistic nature.

On the other hand, ladies are sweet, gentle, and pure flowers. They are not to be tarnished by sex until they are mature and in a loving and caring relationship. At the same time, they are also not supposed to be uptight cock teasers. Just look at Sex and the City. There’s a reason why Samantha is referred to as “the slut” and Charlotte as “the prude.” I don’t know why your parents refuse to let you have a boyfriend or want to discuss the birds and the bees, but I suspect this gender conditioning can partially be to blame.

As I mentioned earlier, if you’re using protection, then I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong or behaving badly. You’re being mature and responsible with your sex life. However, if you are having unprotected sex with your boyfriend, then you are just being careless and playing the pregnant Russian roulette game. In time your parents will come around and realize you will be in relationships and those relationships will become intimate. Plus, you’re 16, in two years you’ll be out of the house, possibly away at college, and not under their overly-protective thumbs.

In the meantime, since your parents aren’t willing to talk to you about these things, I recommend getting a copy of Heather Corinna’s book S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College. It’s really informative, affordable, and written in a fun and conversational way. And if you are interested in learning more about the concept of virginity, read Virginity Lost by Laura Carpenter.

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